I Tried Using ChatGPT as My Coach:  Confession, from a real, living, breathing, certified coach

I’ve been using AI to coach myself.

Not only that, I’ve enthusiastically shared my agents with friends.

At first, it was simple. Questions like: “How do I tell my toddler no without sending her into a shame spiral that will shape her entire life?” Dramatic, I know. I have a degree in Child Development. I don’t actually need to ask that question. But I did anyway. Then I took it a step further. I created two specific AI agents. One modeled after an Ali Wong stand-up routine, and the other an Enneagram-informed coach.

It worked.
In some ways, it worked really well.

The Ali Wong agent cut straight to things with humor and truth. The Enneagram coach honed in on patterns, dynamics, and motivation.

It was fast. It was responsive. It was novel.

And at times, it was accurate in ways that genuinely shook me. And then I noticed something. After a while, when I put my phone down to take a breath, I felt completely disconnected from myself.

Not confused. Not lost.

Just… not connected. Like I had taken in too much information without actually processing any of it. Nothing had landed. Nothing had integrated. It was insight without embodiment. And that’s when it clicked. The real risk isn’t just about accuracy, dependence, or replacing human roles.

It’s disconnection. Everything else flows from that. It’s outsourcing the very process that helps us come into relationship with ourselves and others.

So what now?

I still have that AI “coach” in my pocket.

And I still use it, occasionally.

But less and less.

Because I’m more interested in what happens when I stay with my own thoughts long enough to actually hear them.

To feel them.
To make meaning from them.

That’s the part no tool can do for me.

And maybe that’s the real question underneath all of this:

When we use AI to help us think…
are we deepening our awareness, or bypassing it?